Fantasy Hockey Power Ranking off Season Projections
By: Trent Crimm
Indianapolis Racers (Projected Average of Best 18 Players: 126.6)
Big belief in returning players
Matthews, M.Tkachuk, Dahlin, Sorokin, and Hellebuyck
Likes chances of his team but admits there is some worthy competition
Reigning champ and greatness started here for the GM and Gretzky
Hard to Yandle (Projected Average of Best 18 Players: 126.9)
Lots of pressure, GM expecting a playoff berth
Anything less and we might have to consider calling professional help
Just like the Avalanche, GM believes they added the right players to the team
Trent Crimm was drunk when writing this article and thought team’s name was “hard to yank off”
Don’t Stop Bo-lievin’ (Projected Average of Best 18 Players: 124.0)
The ingenuity of this name is up there with Wu-Tanguay Clan
Possibly better?
Bold strategy cotton with drafting Patrick Kane at the beginning of the season
Reporter is astounded that J.T. Miller is projected 164 points for the 2024 season
What fucking clown thought that Vancouver was going to win more than 42 games? Nothing against the GM, more so the app
Super Soft Hockey Team (Projected Average of Best 18 Players: 123.1)
Reporter really hoped for a quote from the GM considering the team consists of Brady Tkachuk and Jani Hakanpaa
Please get me one in after the first week????
Montour being placed on IR hurts the team’s defense but still strong overall
No Russian (Projected Average of Best 18 Players: 122.2)
Coaches consist of General Shepherd and Makarov
Marchand, Wilson, Evander Kane, and Binnington are all in the elevator in the airport
If this team was in the NHL not even Scott Stevens would dare to hit McDavid
Reporter likes the GM of this team, but really hopes that certain players on this team get suspended multiple times
YourMomsAho (Projected Average of Best 18 Players: 118.1)
Appreciates the change in teams within the league
“Team YourMomsAho is cocked locked and ready to rock baby”
Reporter laughed hysterically at work and got told off by boss
Team name is permanent and the day that the team name changes is straight to last on the power rankings
STILL doesn’t have either Sebastian Aho…
Wu-Tanguay Clan (Projected Average of Best 18 Players: 117.2)
Has some competition for team name this year
Gives compliments to new GM Up with Toast! Which makes this reporter feel very appreciated (Makes new GM not cry to sleep at night)
GM says, “The runner up from last year, Bedardistan, has become weaker,” and the projections support this
Wants to take advantage of a weaker team so they can establish their superiority
Bedardistan (Projected Average of Best 18 Players: 117.7)
GM feels betrayed as she was not able to draft Bedard
Reporter agrees that this team needs the franchise player Bedard
Runner up from last year which is very commendable, but the projections say that this team has regressed since the year before
Very communicative in the group chat and this reporter hopes she’ll keep it up so she can give great headlines in the coming weeks
Up with Toast! Down with Slaw! (Projected Average of Best 18 Players: 114.4)
GM and reporter of the league, reporter worries the scrutiny will become too much and would appreciate compliments
Especially from the GM of Just Checking
GM is very appreciative that he was welcomed into the league
GM undecided if he feels prepared to make a run deep and looks to trade for draft picks
Editor’s note: The publication would like extra clarification on the rules of “Tanking” in the upcoming season please and thank you!
This GM will wage a war on people who say that the coleslaw is better than the texas toast at Raising Canes
Con Artists (Projected Average of Best 18 Players: 113.7)
Stole Bedard and GMs are looking for blood
Unfair projections as both Gaudreau and Huberdeau are projected underneath 100 points for the 23-24 season
Reporter hoping for a quote in the next week as they’re confused with the team name “Con Artists” when Evander Kane is not on the team
Rockford Dagger (Projected Average of Best 18 Players: 113.3)
Reporter had to put in former team name as the app has not updated the team name
Last year this reporter ranked this team last, but this year they’re second to last according to projections
IMPROVEMENT!!!!!!
For the first time ever, Moose and Pasta will join forces
Just Checking (Projected Average of Best 18 Players: 109.1)
Reporter is worried for his life that this team is last, if you don’t see the reporter text in the group chat for a week he’s dead
“‘I like our team.’ We focused on a lot of new, young, and uncertain talent while drafting this year.”
Confident in a deeper push than last year
Trades for this team will be the difference maker
Hopefully this GM will be Just Checking her team everyday to make sure she actually puts in players
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